On-Site Program Models

The Importance of Teaching Conflict Resolution

Teaching conflict resolution skills may be the most important task of our decade. As technology pervades our world, time speeds up, distances shrink, and we find ourselves living high-powered, fast-paced, materialistic lives. The resulting stress makes it difficult to maintain secure families and lasting friendships. More than ever, we need strong interpersonal skills to fulfill our need for meaningful relationships.

At the same time that it stresses human relationships, technology also introduces new and complex societal problems--from nuclear waste disposal to genetic engineering, from deforestation to ethnic wars. If we are to survive, we will need a generation of skilled problem- solvers--people who can collaborate with others to handle problems productively, without becoming defensive or taking rigid positions.

In short, our technological era requires that we advance equally in relationship technology. We have already learned how to create walls and weapons of destruction. It is now up to our generation to see if we can move beyond the barriers to create bridges and alliances of creativity and courage.

All of this has an impact on conflicts and violence in schools. Increasingly, schools find themselves dealing with students who are less prepared for learning. They often lack impulse control and productive communication skills. Teachers find too much of their time being spent on disciplining students instead of teaching. In addition, while students have changed, so too has classroom learning/teaching--what was required to keep a class orderly and on task has changed in relationship to students’ need for teaching/learning.

Fortunately, we have the knowledge and skills to handle conflicts without violence--both in our schools and in our classrooms. For many of us, our understanding of relationships took a leap forward when we began to look at the world in terms of mutual interests instead of antagonistic rivalries. We now know that when we structure the world into the rigid perspective of "either-or", we create a win-lose game that impedes problem-solving.

In contrast, when we can embrace the more flexible perspective of "both-and", we create a win-win game that promotes problem-solving. When we can embrace both the discomfort and the opportunity of conflict, the needs of you and me, the uncertainty and the decisiveness of decision-making, we begin to see the world, our school-communities, and our neighborhoods differently. Then we can work together to solve problems and strive toward common goals.

The next step is to embed these new beliefs and behaviors into our personal and professional interactions and into our ways of conducting our day-to-day business. In this we are making progress:

To maintain this progress, we must make certain that the next generation learns about these advances and the skills that underlie them. As parents and teachers, we are at the center of this essential work. We can and must make this development into an adventure for students. They, and we, need excitement and visionary goals toward which to aspire. These advances can be exhilarating and thrilling to teach to students. After all, these human skills aren't just ordinary; they are the doorway to amazing opportunities.

But more important than what we teach is the example that we set for our students and children. How we act is a model for others, especially the young, who are hungry to learn, imitate, and aspire. As positive role models, we can prevent violence and promote cooperation.

Although it may take years before we and our students fully understand and incorporate these concepts into our daily lives, the investment of time is well worth it. As teachers and administrators, we can see how to set children's limits and empower children to use problem solving skills. It takes the willingness to work together with others to find the satisfying, creative solution--and this can be done!